I'm starting grad school in three days.
There are a lot of reasons why I decided to go back to school after being "out of the game" for 8 years. In the interest of being succinct, I will just say that my personal and professional experiences over the past decade have allowed me to recognize that I do not feel fulfilled as a graphic designer. Moments of doubt eventually grew into entire days of uncertainty, until one evening on an overcrowded train heading home, it clicked: Lots of designers are using their talents to have a positive impact on society. I am not one of them. If I continue on this path, I am leaving the world exactly the same as how it was when I entered it. And that’s not what I want for myself or for the people I interact with.
One of my late professors and mentor, Karene Faul, said I had “the mind” for graphic design. I changed my major from Studio Art to Graphic Design mostly because of Karene’s feedback during her class. It was in the printmaking studio that I first explored psychological topics like PTSD, grief, eating disorders, gender identity and neurobiology. She quoted John Fowles in her course syllabus:
““We wish to create worlds as real as, but other than the world that is. Or was. This is why we cannot plan. We know a world is an organism, not a machine. We also know that a genuinely created world must be independent of its creator; a planned world (a world that fully reveals its planning) is a dead world. It is only when our characters and events begin to disobey us that they begin to live.””
That quote stuck with me. She pulled it from The French Lieutenant’s Woman, a work of metafiction that champions storytelling and morality, while analyzing perspective and the impact that the past has on the present. It remained in the back of my mind throughout school. It hung on the walls of my desk space during my employment at an architecture firm, a corporate design agency, and a NYC studio on Wall Street. But no matter where I worked or what I accomplished, my work felt impersonal, artificial and conventional.
Graphic design has been invaluable to me. I still enjoy it on a fundamental level. It has allowed me to explore strategy, identity, conceptualization, teamwork and social media in a critical environment. Designers must be intuitive, detail-orientated, creative and communicative to successfully reach their audiences and/or gain the trust of their clients. The skills I acquired will only add to my abilities as a therapist. I feel like I am not going down a different path, I merely enjoyed a wonderful, scenic circle and am back to where I first set out. This “detour” also allowed me to meet some amazing people, some of which are now close friends that support me in this career shift. It’s changed how I look at my past and what I want in the future.
Because of this realization, I am choosing to utilize a blog format for this period of my life in order to keep track of all the moving pieces. Documentation allows for analysis and reflection, which I will need when I am tired, doubtful, stressed and vulnerable. The pressure of an audience also acts as reinforcement for me to record findings and feelings. I want my recollections to be honest and present, so I can grow in the most well-rounded way. It’s been a long time since I’ve felt this excited about something. I am looking forward to this new road I am traveling down.